Isn't life much more creative than we are?
Over and over again, I imagine all the possibilities. I win, I lose, or the decision maker splits the baby, and then no one wins and everyone loses. But isn’t life so much more creative than we are? Isn’t it cool how life throws us what we don’t expect?
When one of our twins was a baby and was anticipating something, he would count in “sleeps” instead of days. Two more sleeps till we go to the beach, one more sleep till we get to go home . . .
Yesterday I thought I was done with all the trying to sleep not knowing how my equity claim would come out. I thought I was done questioning whether I was crazy to spend so much time, money and mostly energy getting this place to look at an inequity their own data reflects and fix it. I thought I would know if all the frustration and advocating and alienation from the community paid off.
Here is the response I got: the Investigator issued the decision and sent it to the University. And they are not showing it to me yet.
An “Administrative Advisor” will review it for a week. That person apparently does not have the authority to change anything. But there it will sit.
And then it’s back to the EOC for another 15 business days—which means three more weeks. The EOC has had my claim on its docket before. They tried to send it to University counsel, only to get it bounced back and then sent to an outside investigator. So the investigator’s report will get shuffled through email and various desks in limbo for at least a month before I get to know even what the bare conclusion is. After that, it may finally get back to University counsel and the Provost who have the authority to enter into a settlement if the investigator found in my favor. So I’m back to wrestling with my original set of questions. But now I have more of them: why make me wait so long if the finding is an unequivocal denial of my claim? Is that my crazy positivity speaking again? Won’t I ever learn to not be hopeful in this process?
It turns out, after another close reading of the University’s policy, I see I was wrong to conclude I’d see the result on the day the Investigator’s report was due. I drew that conclusion from the notice of when the report would issue and my experience with how the law normally works. Normally when a decision is reached—administrative or otherwise-- both parties are provided the report simultaneously. Had I read the policy more carefully, I would have known that I will get notice that the report is complete but only the University will actually get to read the results until someone steps up and decides that after all this time, it makes sense to show it to me too.
You may find it interesting (or maddening!) to note that the nation will have suffered a pandemic, scientists will have developed a vaccine and the world will likely reopen before my employer can afford me the dignity of looking at my pay equity clam and deciding whether to fix it.
Even with a law degree, the support of a talented and kind lawyer, a caring patient set of health professionals and endlessly patient friends and family who have walked this path with me, this has been hard and lonely. Too often, I realize how few women in my position have the first two or three, let alone all of them. I have built a loving army of support. I now see very clearly who my people are. Adversity can do that.
When this is all over, win or lose, it will only be worth it if I can find a way to convince them to make this process more efficient, more humane and less draining to all the other women who give so much every day while being paid less than their male peers. What am I missing? What more could I do? How do I cultivate patience? I would love to hear your thoughts.