Aren’t we all asking this question now? Our circles are so small. But it is spring and time for all natural things to reopen. My garden unfolds so much new joy each day. Who will I invite in? It can be overwhelming to think about reopening myself. We know now more than ever what a gift each day is. For those of us with the lucky blessing of being born into families who are our people, what a huge fortune, what an ideal domain in which to be lucky. The rest of us must search. There are so many risks. How do you tell? Have you ever been devastated by the death of a platonic friendship? And if you have, where is the crystal ball that can help you see well enough to avoid the same pattern again?
On days when we wait for uncertain results, how do we remind ourselves that not every apparent answer is the ultimate answer? Every failed friendship opened my time for deeper more meaningful and lasting connections.
I wait today to finally get an answer from the investigator on my pay equity claim. This is all I will write today, although I have several looming deadlines. I’m terrible at waiting. A friend once told me that impatience is my worst quality and all my other bad qualities come from that one.
My lawyer says that when there is a policy, a pay disparity and the policy was not followed in making compensation decisions, one has proven an equal pay act claim. My boss and his associate dean who created my pay inequity admit there is a policy and they did not follow it. So how could I lose? How could they be so blasé about the law to make that admission? And why did I have to fight? And why have I had to wait so long? It has been years since I first tried to get the disparity seen and fixed. And why do I still hold out hope that today’s decision will be any different?
Here is the seed of my hope: the investigator is independent. She does not work at my University. When I met with her for hours by zoom to explain the whole thing, yet again, it was clear she understands the law and read my complaint (unlike the two teams of EOC investigators who looked at it earlier and tried to push it to University counsel who pushed it back to them before the University finally opted to go outside to get someone else to deal with it).
Maybe this time, I won’t lose. Maybe if I lose, I will finally decide it is time to leave. I still may find professional support and affirmation at work like I once had practicing law.
And yet somehow adversity does show us our people in the way we cannot see when all is good. When I took the chance on marrying my husband, I had no crystal ball and good reason not to trust my rose-colored instincts. But man, did I roll that one and get lucky. He has not once questioned whether I deserved equal pay, and he has not once questioned spending money on legal fees, therapy, acupuncture, my Peloton . . .
If you are kind enough to have read this far, you may be my people. I’m getting the garden ready.
I think I'm one of your people:) Congrats on launching your substack. I look forward to reading more:) - JN